Nearing to One Year

7.15.2020, Wednesday

Dear Readers,

I don't know why I am creating a journal about my exercise. And as a contradiction, I don't know why I didn't post something sooner.

But rest assured! I have a good memory.

Last year, I was exercising, but not frequently. I'm ashamed to admit this, but I had a goal to try to exercise 3 times a week.

Then I noticed on my days off, I was just vegging around and not exercising while watching TV like I normally have been doing. 

Ah, depression! The mother of all assumptions... wait! I think! Sometimes my moods vary. I can be trying to focus on positives while I'm down, or I can go through bouts of mania to where I'm just jumping up and down for a good few minutes to get my jitters out of my system. Or I try to. I try to contain myself at work though some days it's hard, I won't lie. It's my journal... and my journey. I have no reason to lie.

Anyway, I think what made me think of making a journal was today in my memories, a picture of me popped up from two years ago. Why in the world did we have to do selfies? And why so close up? Geez! I show my age!

Two years ago I was really showing my age. Last year wasn't any picnic either!

What could I have done to get my arse in gear? 

I'll tell you what!

You would have thought checking my weight would have been a great motivator. Or seeing how I look in pictures would do that! Nope! I've learned how to angle the camera in ways to look slimmer. I darken the pics to hide the wrinkles on my pudgy face.

Okay, so maybe I'm a tad harsh on myself. We are our own worst critics.

Anyway, I digress. I think. Whatever.

No. Last year, I was watching the old soap opera Dark Shadows from 1966. And life got a little brighter when Quentin showed up. I'll leave it at that.

No. My insurance had changed. I got off my husband's medical plan, and went to my job's plan which is Florida Blue. It's an HMO. But I get an HSA card to spend on medical... which really came in handy earlier this year. I won't go into details about that either. This is my health journal. Well, not really health as in eating healthy, but I have improved. Anywho, moving on...

Because of a new health insurance, I was limited to who I can see as far as a head doctor... I mean a psychiatrist!

One place offered it, and I had a two month wait before I could see someone.

A little off story before I go any further. I had a tough time getting on the treadmill without my dog, Spock, barking all the time. There were times when he would jump on and nearly fly off because the sound frightened him.

So I had this lanai that we turned into a Florida room for my son who's barely home. He wanted to move into the den. So we switched off. I'd run the extension cord into the house, and off I would go. Watch TV and exercise. I then learned how to bribe my dog with treats so he won't bark.

I went to my fated appointment, and I was running late. I got lost. They claimed to be located in one town, but instead they were in the next town over.

I don't know where to park. I take my Islanders tumbler with me. The ice has melted. And the elevator was slow. So I took the stairs.

I get there, the woman at the desk looks at my drink and is like I haven't had soda in ages. Hands me a clipboard to fill out paperwork. She checks my blood pressure before I could even fill out my name. My blood pressure is high. I don't have time to process this. I go back into the lobby and the doctor comes in to speak with me.

He goes on about my BP and the soda I'm drinking. Then he tells me I don't have ADD like the last doctor diagnosed me with. Then he decides I shouldn't be on Ritalin, but wants me on a slow acting med that I'll have to remember to take daily. I barely remember to take my vitamins daily, imagine someone like me having to have a daily pill ritual! 🙄

I never finished filling out the papers on that clipboard. I won't be fast talked into something and caught off guard. I told myself if it doesn't feel right, I won't go back. Well, it didn't feel right. Doctors keep giving me uppers when I tell them I'm tired. I had no idea I had to actually say I CAN'T sleep! Or I have trouble sleeping and I need something to relax me.

Doctors hear the word "tired" and suddenly they think you need to be stimulated. Sheesh!

Anyway that was the day I broke the mold and decided to break generational curses/habits.

Unfortunately, my maternal side of the family as far as women are all pretty much petite and slim. I inherited my grandmother's genes from my paternal side. At least she was shapely. I was just a round potato with boobs. Sorry, it's the truth.

I bribed my dog with treats, and hopped on. I did about 45 minutes in the beginning on a speed of 2 mph. Yeah! I was whooped!

The second day, I wasn't so good. I kept having to pause every 10 minutes or so. It was anxiety pouring out of me. Like a  left over sickness still lingering in my body that needed to be purged once and for all. This went on for about two weeks. Then I decided to split up my time exercising during the week. My five days would be off Wednesday and Sunday from exercise. Then it was Wednesday and Saturday.

I don't know how, but sometime in January, I was exercising Monday through Friday. Now I go for 4.5 miles (according to the treadmill). That puts me anywhere between 82 to 84 minutes of walking/jogging. Yes, I do one minute sprints here and there. I walk anywhere from 3.2 mph to 3.5 mph. I pace myself at a slower speed on days when I'm not 💯%. I don't want to break just because I get monthly visits and such.

I used to do that, and that's why I never had a set routine. Breaking generational curses!!! Or maybe I'm breaking my own curse! Who knows?

I have a whole generation of women that came from Brooklyn, NY. They walked around a lot! That alone could have been their exercise!

I live in Florida, and I work at a sedentary job! And especially now with covid, I don't want to be walking around anywhere. I just stay behind the desk until it's time to go home.

I tell myself to exercise because it's important. My BP is lower. I weighed 176 lbs last year and now I weigh 154 lbs. And I still seem to be dropping. I'm practically swimming in my clothes these days.

I'm still a chunky monkey, but now I'm a healthy chunky monkey! I eat more veggies and drink more water. And now I have excuses to enjoy things like pizza without worry.

I'll enclose a picture.

I had to lighten the one on the left from last year. The one on the left was 7.2.19 and the one on the right was from July 3rd of this year.

I feel like I went on. But I will try to keep you posted at least once a week.

Maybe this will give you inspiration. Maybe not. This is my journey, that's all I know. I'm on the road to be a healthier version of me. I'm at that age where I need to be careful.

Blessed Be

DJ